Day 743

Dear Scott,

It's been a very long time since I blogged, but I was thinking I would take it up again. Yesterday was the 2 year anniversary of your funeral. I've been looking through old photos of you and us. Good memories.

I also re-read this blog. It was so raw and angry. I am glad I am not there anymore. I was going to remove the last post, but I decided to leave it as part of my journey. A few weeks after writing it, I had a complete mental breakdown and psychotic break. Thanks to intense therapy and the right medications, I am doing much better these days.

I've been watching your old videos and TV shows. I am so glad I have this treasure trove of stuff recorded. Your website for your business did go down, I just let it expire.

A few nights ago, I woke in the middle of the night. I heard a noise and immediately yelled out for you: "Scott, what are you doing?" It took me a good 30 seconds to remember. This didn't scare me or make me sad, but it did make me remember that even though I don't see you, you are still here. You are still part of my life.

I had initially started this blog for me, then kept it up for friends and family to follow along. But there is now a following I could never have predicted. People I've never met who are suffering loss have found it. That's a big reason I want to start it again. To let them know, to let myself know, that it has gotten easier. I have adapted and am still doing so.

I miss you still. kisses, boo!