Dear Jesus,
I had one of my night terrors last night. This hasn't happened since Scott died. When I finally was fully awake, I started laughing with a good memory. For many years, I have had episode where I wake myself screaming and in a panic. There was one night a few years ago that I started screaming; the sound frightened Scott so much that he woke and started screaming as well. Well, his screaming scared me so I screamed again. We laughed for a long time that night. It was a good memory.
When I had these episodes in the past, I would usually thrash around in my sleep. Before I got to the really bad parts, Scott would gentely rub my shoulder until I was awake. I guess I will just have to live these out alone now.
I am not looking forward to the coming days. I am expecting to have a nice time seeing his parents, but this will be the first thanksgiving I have spent without him since we met. And to top it all off, his birthday is on Friday. He would have been 53.
I hate this life without him.
This photo was Thanksgiving 2009. We used to watch the parade at his aunt Barbara's house before heading over to aunt Val's for dinner.
My prayer today is for strength in the days to come.
Brother Jesus, hear my prayer.
