Day 113

Dear Scott,

Yesterday was 16 weeks since you've been gone. I feel lost without you. I will carry your suicide with me for the rest of my life. I will also carry with me all the joy we shared.

I'm not doing great, but I am hanging in there. Each day is a challenge, but I am putting one foot in front of the other. I always told you I wanted to die first, becasue I didn't want to have to grieve your loss. That always made you so mad. You said that you didn't want to have to grieve my death either. I was thinking this would all be when we were old, not when we were both middle aged.

I guess I just feel empty and hollow, like my insides have been scooped out. My fire and passion seem so far away. I can't believe it's been 113 days since I last saw you, since I last talked to you. It doesn't feel like that long, yet it also feels like an eternity.

I miss you. I will love you the rest of my life.